The Place was a battlefield. There were blown up vehicles, dead people with holes in them. Empty bullet shells crowded the land like ants on a chocolate cake filled with chocolate with chocolate icing with chocolate wafers and covered in chocolate (yeah, the chocolate cake). The smoke from the burning cars rose up and censored the view of the sun and sky for the earthlings.
While this was happening, I was watching Giant Robot cartoonz in some other part of the world. So this is not about me.
Just when Captain Poopme Shorts (that’s the name. You gotta problem?) Thought he had won the battle but then Giant Robots appeared from nowhere (not related with me). One of his half dead soldiers held his leg and screamed in a terrified tone which was hard to hear in the noise of machine guns shooting from the fingers of the Giant Robots and the army tanks returning the fire with whatever tanks shoot out of their gigantic erected penis like cannons.
In some other part of the world I was sleeping with my mouth open and saliva was dripping out like the Mississippi river flows out of the tree of origin ( You guys don’t even know the half truth about it)
One of Poopme’s men gathered the courage to run through the rain of chain gun bullet and mud like dead bodies. Basically he had balls made of metal or stainless steal.
‘Sir!’ He said.
Poopme didn’t respond. He was in a shock after seeing the metal sky scrapers which shamelessly slaughtered and raped his troops. No wait. They didn’t rape them, just slaughtered them.
Me? I was thumb wrestling with kinder gardeners. I shoot them if I get defeated.
By this time Poopme had lost all hope but he kept pumping his men.
Men. We might be the last troops left but we are humans. We are the greatest species in all the galaxies ever created and destroyed. Remember they might be robots with bigger guns puking out fire and death but WE, we have the balls and we will defend the world with our balls. You can run home to your mommies but remember, by the time you reach home, your mommies will be raped and murdered by these ball-less robots. Now buckle up men. We have got to make some holes in some metal giants.
At that moment I killed a kitten, drained its blood and drew a dead kitten with it and signed it with the initials AJ and sold it to Peter Pan for $ 8,980.
In some other part of the world, Poopme and his men used the last of their ammo and strength to bring down the robot army.
In the end all of Poopme’s men died and Captain Poopme Shorts got a bullet in his head and got squashed underneath a giant metal foot. His skull was crushed and his eyeballs rolled out of their sockets and cute little bacteria decomposed them down at the speed of light.
I was hunting down Care Bears with my sniper rifle when my phone buzzed. ‘We have completed our part of the deal, now it’s your turn’ came a heavy voice.
‘Ten million tones of monkey pee is already on its way to your planet. Enjoy.’ I replied trying to make my voice look heavy. I hung up the phone and took a head shot at a Care Bare and enjoyed seeing his helpless friends run away and leave him to die.
Yes I’m a bad ass…
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Yes I paid giant robots to kill Captain Poopme shorts and his men. Why? Because everyone DIGZ a Giant robot even chicks…
In other news, the Bournville Chocolate Add is a fake. There is no giant bird which will kill you if you don’t do the British mambo jumbo thing…
And they still kill Kenny...
Don’t forget… Vote for Giant robots or else…