The ride to hell

It was a perfect nigh to haunt the empty highways which connected different states. The endless dark and empty forests besides the highway hummed the sounds of grasshoppers making love in the creep. What ended the silence was the sound of pure evil. Dug out straight from hell. It was a beast, it was the best, it was a bike. A Devil Davison creation called the sixty ton angel. Six hundred sixty six zombie power. All it needed was a full tank of blood. As it rolls the path is lit with a trail of green and black fire and cracked roads. But that didn’t satisfy me. I wanted to push it to its endless limit. I rolled the accelerator till it could roll no more. My speed was three hundred death meters per cremation. The gases popping out of the exhaust pipes made the trees and plants rot to ashes.

But no story stays joyful for long and so a freaking marvel almost the size of my eyeball made the bike go out of control. Now it was untamable like a wild horse. The bike went up and down making potholes in the highway road. I let go of the bike but it was a wrong idea. I somersaulted in front of the bike and my head crashed with the front wheel of the bike and as I slid back with a broken jaw my jacket got caught in the exhaust tip. Unluckily the bike got off its wheels and somersaulted a million times hence banging my head into the road. Finally it stopped riding me and I was forced to enter the void of unconsciousness.

When I regained my consciousness I saw fire feed on my bike and an old grandma constantly looking at me.
‘Aaaahh! Grandma, you scared me with your wrinkled face.’ I said.
‘Who are you calling ugly sunny? Look at yourself first.’
I raised my hands and examined my face. Luckily it was in one piece but I couldn’t say that for my head. My cranium was missing two bones out of eight. I scooped my hand in my hollow head and felt green, thick and a sticky liquid. I took it out and examined it.
‘Shit! What the fuck is this?’ I asked.
‘Oh that! Its green goblin orgasm. I put it there to prevent your brain from dehydrating into a peanut.’

‘Oh thanks grandma’ I said
‘Don’t be silly sunny, I didn’t save you because I wanted to, it’s because you didn’t pay your bike’s bill.’
‘Huh???’ I said covering my open head.
‘Remember the round ball over which you got fucked?’
‘Oh, the round marvel thingy?’
‘Yeah! It was my eye ball.’
‘Like I believe you. So how much do I owe you for the bike?’ I asked
‘Oh, your soul will do.’

She lifted her lips and gave a nasty smile. I could see her super sharp teeth. My eyes widened and I started to crouch back with my hands but ironically I wanted to pee but for no reason I held it all in. the old grandma stepped forward and grabbed me by the throat and lifted me high in the air. I swung my legs to find a piece of land to stand on but I couldn’t. All the commotion made me wanted to pee more and more. I knew I was about to die so I said to my self- ‘ah what the heck. I can piss my pants now, no one will see.’
And I did. My pants were wet from the zipper to my socks. As the liquid went down, it dripped down on the grandma. She started to melt and dissolved into the earth below.

I said to my self- ‘grandma gone + I survived death + wet pants = A fucked up day.’


A pee a day keeps the grandma away…

Yup. :-)

Aj…